last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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