am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
