I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
