Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
