He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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