My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
