I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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