My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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