need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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