You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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