sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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