Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
