Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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