I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
