Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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