if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
