WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just invented taco cereal.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
