dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Thank you for not boning my boss.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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