i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
