Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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