My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
