I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
