so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
