I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
