Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
