i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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