sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
