haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
