so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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