drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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