I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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