dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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