Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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