he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
