I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
