Just cropdusted the office
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
