when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
