i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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