I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
