i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
