You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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