I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
