I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
