Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
