Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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