Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
