Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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