just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
