Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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