I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
