your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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