The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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