He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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