Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
