so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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