just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
