STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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