i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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