I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
