Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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