i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
