My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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