I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
