All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
