Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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